just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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