I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
