New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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