forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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