I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
