Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do herpes really smell.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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