and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
