if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
