This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
