proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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