so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize