he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize