So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
