she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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