My balls are so social today.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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