I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone shit on the floor
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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