My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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