He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
