"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
