i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
