I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
