Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize