It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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