i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's blow job season.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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