she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
