i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize