i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize