i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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