His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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