remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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