the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize