Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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