i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
