i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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