This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
