My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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