told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
