the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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