just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
