Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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