Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
