Fuck appropriateness.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
