just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My hand turned me down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
