no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize