It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am one with the molecules
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
