Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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