My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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