I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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