Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize