whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
