walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
