good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
