i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
