I wish I could teleport
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
