So drunk its hurt
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
