I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
