Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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