dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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