i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
