when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
