I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
