I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
