I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
