Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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