It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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