I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
