Your dad touched me again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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