its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
