How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
