Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
