he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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