Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
